Thursday, May 21, 2009

Where did my happy baby go?

TMI warning if you don't want to read about breastfeeding and birth.

Levi was an extremely intense baby that was only happy if he was in someone's arms and in motion. He cried a LOT. It wasn't colic or gas or any physical discomfort - he could be consoled, but it required every ounce of energy I had to carry him around all day long while I bounced to keep him happy. He would NOT sleep by himself, ever, so he slept on me for all of his naps and overnight for over a year and a half. When he was happy, he was intensely happy, but it would flip off like a light switch and he'd be melting down. When Jonas was born, I was terrified of another high-needs baby, but was so relieved to find that he was very laid back. He would let us put him down for naps, and was content to just sit in his swing or bouncy seat and watch the world go by. He only cried when he needed to eat, or when he was put in his car seat and we didn't get moving soon enough, and he smiled a lot. He was my happy baby.

That all changed over the last few weeks. My happy baby has been fussy a lot, has not napped well during the day, and instead of being smiley and happy after eating, he is angry and screechy. Because of severe issues I had nursing Levi, including an almost 2 month period where he didn't gain any weight and I didn't know it, I have been weighing Jonas at least weekly to make sure he doesn't stop gaining weight too. He had slowed down to a little slower than I was comfortable with, but then had a good gain a few weeks ago and I thought I was in the clear and didn't need to worry. But he hasn't gained anything at all since then, and that's no good in a 2 month old baby.

So, I've tentatively concluded that Jonas is fussy because he is hungry, and I am going on the same medication (Domperidone) I took with Levi to produce more milk. At least production seems to be the only problem this time, unlike the whole host of issues I had the first time around, and the medication is a safe and easy fix for that. But it's still a blow to my self-esteem that once again*, my body doesn't seem to want to do what it's supposed to in regard to something baby-related. *sigh* At least I can grow 'em cute, right?

*(subfertility - I'm able to get pregnant, but it takes longer than most and I've had two miscarriages, one at 12 weeks and one very early; my first pregnancy was relatively easy other than horrendous reflux, but my second had even worse horrendous reflux, morning sickness, extreme fatigue, round ligament pain, and a whole lot of general uncomfortable-ness; my "easy" labor was 21 hours, and my hard one (oddly enough, with Jonas, not Levi) was 40 hours of complete misery; my body did not heal properly after either birth, requiring minor surgical procedures and months of pain/discomfort; my breasts were not shaped properly for Levi to latch on when he was first born and required nipple shields, which started a domino effect of other problems that lasted until 6 months, and now I'm not making enough milk for my second baby even though nursing has otherwise been ok.)


  1. I'm sorry Lisa. I had the exact same thing happen. With Will it was early on, so when we sailed through the first weight check and appt with SC I breathed a sigh of releif. Around her 2 month appt weight gain was great, perfect in fact. Fast forward to 4 months. I knew she was still small and had probably not gained gobs of weight but I still thought she was in the acceptable range. Umm she had gained 4 oz, in 2 months. I felt awful, awful, awful in only the way that a mamma can. At 6 months she is very much on Will's growth curve (just hitting 3-6 month clothes), which is where I think she would have ended up anyway, but I doubt I'll ever convince anyone else of that. I need to convince myself though that I didn't do some long term damage. I hadn't done anything differently from the first 2 months, I guess my supply went down and for the most part she was too docile to really protest badly.

  2. That's pretty much what happened with Levi. Not the docile part, heh. But he had enough diapers, was hitting his milestones fine, was growing in length, and had always been a twiggy, skinny baby, so I didn't really see that he was getting skinnier. He was 9 lb at a bit past 2 months and 9 lb 2 oz at nearly 4 months. I felt like such a failure for not knowing, for apparently letting my baby starve, etc. That's why I have been weighing Jonas weekly, because I didn't want to unknowingly let it go for 2 months like last time if he stopped gaining weight. I wanted to catch it ASAP and start doing something about it before he fell really behind. Thankfully, things are not nearly as complicated with Jonas, and taking about half the full dose of Domperidone seems to be doing the trick - he gained 7.5 oz this week! Now I am just praying that my new order of meds comes before I run out. I didn't have a whole lot left.